Saturday, December 15, 2012

Trying to make sense of it all...

I debated on if I should make a post about the senseless shooting here in the US and stabbing that happened yesterday in China that has taken so many and permanently scarred countless others. I am not going to debate gun laws or politics in this post, I will however give you my thoughts. I would appreciate that any comments left not be left in anger, but be respectful and uplifting the memory of those lost yesterday. I will delete any comments that are not, we never know when a family member of one of these children could be reading, so I thank you in advance.

Photo was shared by a friend on facebook. I tracked it back to this page, who I believe created it.

When I logged onto facebook I never imagined that the very first thing I would see was reports of yet another gunman, let alone a gunman in a elementary school. My heart sank and I made it to the living room where I stayed glued to the TV for what felt like hours, and in reality it probably was. My mind raced from the horror that those poor babies went through to just wanting my own kids home with me, to the families of those 20 babies. Tears fell and at times, many times, I sobbed seeing live footage of distraught children being led out of that school by emergency personnel.  The parents arriving, the looks on their faces and some falling to their knees out of fear. My heart broke into a million pieces today, my heart hurt and ached for the innocence that was ripped away from so many, the lives that were taken too soon, and the families who are left behind to try to pick up the pieces.

I thought of how empty my life would be without my girls, how would I ever be able to go on without them here with me? How are these parents going to find the strength to go on without those precious angels? I watched as President Obama wiped tears from his eyes while speaking to the nation and I felt sorry for him and at the same time so proud of him. At a time when I'm sure all he wanted to do was be with his family like most others wanted to do, he was standing addressing the nation. I thought about my nieces and nephews, then to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles who now have a huge hole in their hearts. I thought about Rowan (a little one I watch) and how much I wished I could tell her that I love her and see her blue eyes twinkle.

I started to get angry, very angry that someone could be so cold and heartless. As quick as I got angry, I got sad for that man. I am sad for him because he had to be in a dark dark place to do what he did. I am sad that he did not get the help he so obviously needed to have before this happened. I am sad that his remaining family will have to live with the fallout of his actions. I am sad that he felt taking the lives of those children and adults was an answer to his problems. Then I go back to being angry and then to thankful. Odd that I am thankful for something in a situation like this! But, I am thankful, thankful that he took his own life. I know that sounds hateful, vengeful and cold. What if he hadn't done that? How many other children and adults would have lost their life?

What do we do from here for our kids? First and foremost, love them, hug them, show them any chance you get that they mean the world to you. Talk to your kids! I know we want to shelter them from all the bad things in the world, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you can. With the technology now they may know before you do, their friends may bring it up to them. We don't have to give all the horrific details to them, but we do need to help them by listening to their thoughts and fears. In talking to my girls I found out that 2 times a year they do a lock down drill, but neither have ever been told what to do if someone is actually in their classroom. They had no idea to lock the door if the teacher couldn't or wasn't in the room, they had no idea they could use the phone in the room to call for help. They are just told to huddle in a corner of the class, they aren't told anything other than that. PARENTS TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Tell them to not open the door for emergency personnel unless they see an ID that is slid under the door. Tell them that turning desks over in front of them is ok and that it can help protect them. Tell them that if they have to work as a group to move furniture to block the door that it is ok. Tell them that if they have to use something and break a window to get help it is ok. There are so many things we can tell them that could possibly save them and others. Talk to your child principal and ask them to tell you their protocol in case of a situation that there is a gunman in the building, ask questions, provide some feedback. This is something I will be not only asking the principal, but also the teachers.

I am still very heavy hearted, sad, angry, devastated by what happened yesterday. I know there is not much I can do to take the pain and heartache away from all those who are grieving the loss of their child, parent or family member. What I can do is educate my kids and pray for all those people affected. Even if you don't pray, send some healing vibes their way, light a candle, have a few moments of remembrance for them. I can show love to those around me. Do something nice for someone around you. Something as simple as buying a coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks, buying lunch for a friend who is down, visit a nursing home and do manicures, make sandwiches for a homeless shelter, help scrape the ice off the neighbors car. There are so many simple things we can do to show love, simple everyday things that will brighten someones day.

This is a mani I did last night to honor all those lost yesterday. It isn't the best artwork, but it came from my heart. May you precious beautiful angels rest in peace. May the families find strength, peace and understanding in the coming days. My heart and prayers go out to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I appreciate every single one of you! If you want to share a message, your thoughts, condolences, anything you may be feeling, please feel free to comment. I ask again that it just be kept respectful.

Peace, Love and Cupcakes!

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