*I have nothing to disclose for this post.*
Today my brain is on maximum overdrive. It is bouncing from one thing to another and I can't make it stop, so I thought maybe writing a post with some of my thoughts may help. If not, I guess I'll sit here with my wheels spinning LOL.
One of the biggest thing on my mind is the question why. Why do good people have to hurt? I know, I know, to question these things is suppose to be wrong. Me being human, I ask anyway. Let me give some examples of the things I am asking why about.
Why would a young husband and father to three sweet babies have to be diagnosed with Leukemia? Why would that pain and heartache be thrown at him and his family after all they have been through? All the treatments and time away from his babies (which has been alot) for what? Ok I know there is a bigger purpose, a bigger plan for them.... but why? It is not fair! Cancer is stupid, it sucks and yes I HATE IT!!!
"We are taken through hard times to test us."
"Hard things happen to us to make us stronger."
"God never gives us more than we can handle."
"There are people out there with bigger problems than this."
Those are some of the nice things I have heard said to myself or other with mental illnesses. Let me just speak for myself here and respond to each of those quotes.
*Exactly what kind of test is this? Is it a strength test? A mental test? A test to see how much I can take before I break? Just how long is this test? I'm not saying I've had a horrible life, but I have had to fight my way out of many bad situations/relationships/depression/finances. You name it, I've probably fought through it in some way or another. Can I please have a pass on this test and be done? I think I have proven myself more than enough times here.
*Just how strong do I have to be? I am tired of being strong, sometimes I want to be weak. If hard times make us stronger then I should have the strength of Hercules at this point. I don't mind hard times...most of the time, but do they all have to happen back to back, with no breaks? Yeah I know I shouldn't complain. I have a home, food, clothes, and all the essentials. I am not super woman here life, give me a break already!
*Never more than I can handle huh? Well I think I may have failed that one 8 or 9 months ago. I am not handling depression well, I am not handling anxiety well. Again I am not super woman, I'm glad God has all this faith in me because right now I have none left for myself.
* Yes there are people who have bigger problems than mine. That doesn't make my problems any less important. It doesn't make my problems disappear. It doesn't make my problems any easier for me to cope with. Who are you anyway? The problem sizer upper police? What makes you so great that you get to decide that my problem isn't big enough?
Please don't dismiss our problems and our mental illness as if we don't matter. You don't live our life so don't try to tell us how big or small our problems are compared to others. We are not crazy, we are not broken, we have an illness that we did not choose to have.
Those are the big why's in my mind right now. I'll share some of the more uhhhh comical(?) why's with you, just because I think you need a laugh at my expense.
*Why were we born with feet instead of wheels? We could get places so much faster if we had wheels!
*Why don't big buildings make elevators that go from side to side and not just up and down? What would they be called since they wouldn't technically be elevators?
*Why do they call the mirrors at carnivals fun house mirriors? I don't see anything funny about me looking like I am 2 foot tall and 5 foot wide.
*Why is it that when you go to the doctor or have a repair man come the first question they ask is what is wrong? Duhhhhh if we knew what was wrong we wouldn't need you now would we?
Well that is my Friday freak out for today. I hope you have an amazing weekend!
If you will, please keep the Hebert family in your thoughts as the doctors have told them Ray doesn't have much time left with them. His family is trying to get him to see the ocean, one of the things he wants to do before he is too sick to make it there.
Peace, Love and Cupcakes!